To be more successful, to be more effective, one has to work more and work hard. However, every human being, no matter how ambitious he is and how long he is willing to work, requires some time every day to do something that gives him pleasure, which refreshes and relaxes him and which charges his batteries for the next day’s hard work. These relaxing and recharging activities that we undertake during our repair time, and which are vital for an efficient workday, can be categorised into following three categories:
a. Gold. Have positive effect on us (improve us in some way).
b. Garbage. Have negative effect on us (damage us in some way).
c. Neutral. No or very little effect on us (leave us almost unchanged).
It is my observation that we all spent some time in each type of category. However, what really matters is that how much time, and with what intensity, we spent in each category? That is to say, whether you are piling Garbage or Gold or just “spending your time”. Your choice of Gold or Garbage activities will ultimately determine your long-term growth, personal development and effectiveness.
I personally grade these three types of activities on a scale of –10 to +10. Activities that fall between +3 t0 +10 are gold. Activities falling between –2 to +2 are generally neutral and anything below –3 is Garbage.The more gold you have, the better your life is, and more developed and successful person you are.The more garbage you have, less developed you are. You don’t have an effective “self” or a successful/great life, even if you have plenty of money.
How do we decide what is gold and what is garbage? My criteria for each type of activity and the activities that people generally pursue in that area are:
Gold Activities (+3 to +10)
These are the activities that have positive short and long-term effects. These are absorbing, engaging and challenge your intellect, body or emotions. Since these are challenging, one tends to avoid these, especially when he feeling low physically, emotionally, or mentally. However, once engaged, a person gets absorbed and may even lose sense of time. Consequently, these activities refresh, recharge and build up energy, making it easier to continue. A key characteristic of such activities is that when one has finished these, he feels satisfied positively, feels good about himself and has a sense of fulfilment.
My choice of Gold activities include
a. Reading a really good book. For example Steven Covey’s “First Things First” or “The 8th Habit”, Dale Carnegie’s “How To Win Friends and Influence People”, Coelho's "Al-Chemist" etc.
b. Exercise. Jogging, weight training, walking. These really refresh me and one hour of exercise allows me to add 2-3 hours of mental work or quality time with family.
c. Yoga and meditation.
d. Watching a really really good movie. A film like “Forest Gump”, “The Secret”, “Ben Hur”, or some educational and inspiring documentary etc.
e. Exploring/learning something new. This could be as small as a learning new words or basics of a new software module or may be something more challenging like flying and aircraft.Visiting a new place (during an evening or a complete holiday package) Tasting some new food/drink
f. Getting involved in emotionally engaging and intimate activities like making love, spending some quality time with family or friends, teaching something to your kids.
g. Writing, whether it is a diary, journal, article or a book
h. Gardening. Gardening provides light exercise, is engaging, and can be a great stress reliever for many reasons, including getting you into the sunshine and fresh air, creating more beautiful surroundings to come home to each day. A side effect is the sense of contribution towards nature, which, in the long term, a major positive impact on your life.
i. Some challenging games or puzzles that develop focus and concentration
The signs of a Gold activity are that it is intellectually or physically challenging, teaches you something worth knowing, develops a skill worth having, or improve your existing state (physical, emotional or intellectual). During the activity as well as later on, you have a strong sense that you are doing the right thing. It builds your self-esteem and confidence as well as your energy levels. And mostly, it is stress relieving.
Neutral Activities (-2 to +2)
These activities have no major long-term negative or positive effects, but have short-term positive effects as these rejuvenate a person. These are generally not intellectually or physically challenging and therefore, are easier to engage into. A conscious and positive person chooses these activities when he is physically and mentally tired and is not bothered much about long-term positive effects. After end of such activities, a person may feel physically or mentally refreshed, but most probably, it will be a very short-term effect. Neutral activities include:
a. Fun time with friends, without any intellectual or serious discussion
b. Watching light TV sitcoms and shows like “Friends”
c. Reading novels, magazines etc
d. Watching a sporting event
e. Listening to light music
f. Light computer games like “Hearts” and puzzles
g. Drawing and Paintings.
h. Learning to play or playing music instruments.
Whereas some of these activities have the potential to move to Gold activities, depending upon how you are engaged in these, a word of caution for Neutral activities. Neutral activities do not have a long-term negative impact if one engages in these for short period of time only. However, spending too much time in activities of this category will effectively make that very activity Garbage. You will come to know about it when, at the end of the activity, you have the unpleasant feeling that you've wasted your time.
Garbage Activities (-3 to –10)
We generally know that we must avoid activities in this category, but even then, we all tend to spend some time in this category. The difference, however, is that people with high self discipline and confidence spend a very little time in Garbage activities. This happens only when they are extremely low in their energy level, tired and exhausted for any reason. At times, it is a conscious choice or a revolt against self-discipline, just to challenge oneself. On the other hand, people with low self-esteem, having self-doubts and low energy levels spend most of their recreational times in Garbage activities. Whatsoever the reason, the indication that one is engaged in a Garbage activity is that he gets a dull pleasure during activity and feeling of guilt or loss after the activity. Even during the activity, there is a voice deep inside telling us that we are engaged in a self-destructive activity. It disables you intellectually, emotionally, and physically. During such activities, one is less capable of performing complex skills or dealing with complex emotional or intellectual issues.Garbage activities include:
a. Watching too much rubbish TV shows (like Jerry Springer Show, WWF etc)
b. Getting drunk
c. Watching violent movies
d. Doing anything that you'd be ashamed to talk about with others
e. Reading cheap novels or gossip magazines
f. Surfing the net without any specific objective
g. Using drugs
h. Internet chatting and attending forums (at any given time, if you are participating in more than 4 forums, I assure you that you are just wasting your time)
So What to Do?Personality/character of a person and the way he uses his spare time are reflective of each other. Confident, highly energetic people having high self-esteem, self-discipline and a positive attitude towards life mostly choose Gold activities.People with low self-esteem, doubtful and lacking self-discipline spent most of their leisure time in garbage activities.
The great news is,People spending more of their time in Gold activities develop self-esteem, confidence, and high energy levels.I invite you to make 2 lists.A list of all the activities that you do in your spare time and categorise them as Gold, Neutral or Garbage.Make another list of activities that you think are Gold and which you should undertake.Analyse list of current activities.Make a resolution to discard Garbage activities.Slowly and gradually replace your current Garbage activities with Gold activities of your second list.And enjoy the positive results over the period of time.
10 comments:
I am a little surprised as to how come drawing painting and learning a musical instrument can be categorised as neutral and not gold... Just my thought though but I think spending time on these activities are stress relievers and if done sincerely will give a boost to your confidence.
I like the intention of your site and I have to agree with silentwhispers. Pursuing art in any genre, if that is what fulfills a person, should be added to your list of gold. Keep in mind that one person's neutral or garbage pursuit can be another's gold .
Regarding your list of garbage, short of the obvious pitfalls of taking drugs and getting stinking drunk (although a good buzz isn't a bad thing from time to time), the rest of those endeavors may be based on your own personal biases. I often watch something mindless on TV or see an absurd/silly and even graphic film or read something equally mindless. They are the perfect panacea/panaceas For getting my mind off any problems I may be faced with from time to time
The bottom line is that a person should do what ever they want to do if it placates them, gives them temporary or long term happiness, and does no harm to others. Following someone else's prescription for happiness can often lead to personal disappointment and failure thus further fueling an already poor self image. Combating low self-esteem may be better combated by accomplishing what each of us feels would be small successes... one at a time. The question then is, who is better equipped to suggest what's really the best pursuit for another any of us than ourselves.
Silentwhisper
I both agree and disagree with you.
Disagree because if
we take "long term success (a fulfilling life) as yard stick for categorisation of activities
and
pursue painting and learning musical instrument as a mean to pass time only
then these will remain neutral or slightly positive activities (+3).
Agree with you when seen from a different perspective, as I have also mentioned in the article when I said " Whereas some of these activities have the potential to move to Gold activities"
When we pursue music or paiting as a true passion, we create master pieces. This is definetly a Gold Activity.
Jim
I have read your comments and find these generally in line with the contents of article.
You have focused on Garbage activities and individual's freedom to choose whatsoever he likes.
As I mentioned in the article, we all (including myself) engage in Garbage activities for various reasons, including getting our minds off from some nagging problems. This is OK. My argument is that prolonged indulgence in such effects will damage us.
Secondly, I agree that one should be free to choose what so ever he wants to engage during spare time and don’t wish to impose my choices. My point is that such activities must be restricted, if you wish to increase your long term success. I agree with your approach that “low self-esteem may be better combated by accomplishing what each of us feels would be small successes”. But can we combat low self esteem by watching too much rubbish TV shows, getting drunk, reading cheap novels or gossip magazines? These are just escapes. These activities don’t deliver in the long run.
I wish to clarify that I am not asking people to follow my list of Gold activities. What I am saying is equivalent to the advice that if you want good and vibrant health, then exercise, avoid junk food, and have a positive mindset.
Your position that prolonged indulgence in those kinds of 'Garbage' endeavors "will damage us" and that "such activities must be restricted, if you wish to increase your long term success" may be true for some, many, most or even all, but that can only be determined or measured by those who are doing the indulging.
Can we combat low self esteem by watching too much rubbish TV shows, getting drunk, reading cheap novels or gossip magazines? First it must be shown that those activities are contributors to low self-esteem and secondly who determines what is rubbish on TV, or what is cheap or gossipy reading? Making those presumptions on behalf of others is subjective and starts to sound a little like mandating taste. As for drinking obsessively that is obviously a more serious problem and hardly belongs in the same category of what one chooses to watch or read.
It remains that every individual is ultimately responsible for setting his/her limitations as to how they choose to spend their time no matter how futile or damaging it appears to everyone else.
I get the feeling that you were, at some point in your life, dealing with your own low self-esteem and as a result found yourself mired in the very things you are now critical of. If that was the case, I sincerely hope that the path you're on now is fruitful and productive.
Physician, heal thyself.
P.S. The previously deleted post was this one, but was rife with typos, which I mistakenly published before correcting.
Thanks Jim for your valuable comments. You have commented
“Can we combat low self esteem by watching too much rubbish TV shows, getting drunk, reading cheap novels or gossip magazines? First it must be shown that those activities are contributors to low self-esteem and secondly who determines what rubbish on TV is, or what is cheap or gossipy reading? Making those presumptions on behalf of others is subjective and starts to sound a little like mandating taste. As for drinking obsessively that is obviously a more serious problem and hardly belongs in the same category of what one chooses to watch or read”.
My “presumption on behalf of others” is based on general norms. Specific cases are excluded and of course, we can challenge authenticity of “general norms” as well.
OK, Let us agree with your statement that categorisation of activities be left to individuals. Fine.
Now try categorisation of activities for Mr XYZ, who is a common man:
Mr XYZ wants a great, successful and fulfilling life. He decides that he will follow hobbies, spare time activities that not only give him temporary satisfaction and escape from day to day stress but also contribute towards his life’s mission.
He understands that at times, he may opt for just “let go” type activities with only short term satisfaction and no long term results.
Let us assume that Mr XYZ is an average person. He has 2 hours of spare time daily, i.e. 730 hours a year, which he can use for exercise, theatre, TV, books, painting, self development, etc. What activities you will propose for him that will contribute towards his long term success/mission apart from giving him momentary relaxation.
Regarding your comment
“I get the feeling that you were, at some point in your life, dealing with your own low self-esteem and as a result found yourself mired in the very things you are now critical of. If that was the case, I sincerely hope that the path you're on now is fruitful and productive”.
Very frankly, I have never “measured” my self esteem, so have never made any decision based on this factor. I can only say that I endeavour to improve my life daily. Making changes in my approach to use of spare time is a conscious choice to optimise the use of my time (perhaps the only limited resource we have).
Good entry through I say that one man's "garbage" is another's "gold". Is there anything wrong with reading , for instance, a gossip magazine if said person doesn't read normally? Is it wrong to post on internet forums when it stimulates intelligent discussion (assuming you are engaging in such topics and not just posting dumb pictures or "LOL's")? I agree with the other comments. It's all subjective. But I get your intentions.
dave
I agree, one man's Garbage may be another man's Gold. It is subjective, to a large degree. That is the reason I defined Gold activities as those which have positive effect and garbage as having negative effect. In the later part, where I mentioned the activities, I highlighted that this is MY choice of Gold activities.
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